Sitting here in the hall ways of time itself, a campus building of white walls and blue hallways I see the shadow of a hypocrite, I see the source of all the problems and the clear path to the exit and solution
Today I repressed myself, the first time for ignoring myself, the second for ignoring the situation and the third for hesitating.
Keep your friends close but your enemies closer – anon
Today I handed money to a person I genuinely have lost respect for, but something prevented me from not stopping myself and I ask myself am I stupid, am I an enabler, am I just doing something nice or am I just being a good person.
A lot of that is really difficult to answer when you find yourself constantly reminding yourself how much of a terrible person you really are, and the multiple things in the past that you’ve done good and bad, that seemingly cancel each other out, you could almost say it’s the universe balancing itself out,
It feels strange almost hypocritical of me to think The universe can be pretty unfair, I can deal with unfair but people, they can be cruel. To be a cruel person you have to have intent to hurt people, you have to have a hole in your heart the size of your fist.
I’ve spent about half the day setting my head straight for the evening and I’m certain, there are people like me who will make sure to bring out your best, even if it means verbal warfare and passive aggressive post it notes ideally without – and that alone should be enough inspiration to make an attempt with people.
I maintain one thing – You always get treated by how you act..
Again more than usual, this is an open letter to myself, it’s my way of releasing the negative valve in my life, but to give the post some context and maybe give some people something to think about, just because your experiences have been terrible, it shouldn’t give you an excuse to be a terrible person, just because you are going through a terrible time, doesn’t give you an excuse to give other people a terrible time, just because you did something terrible to one person doesn’t mean other people should have to do the same terrible thing.
There are a lot of people that need to unplug themselves, leave to a quiet place and learn about themselves instead of disassociating themselves and those around them with irreversible behaviour that leads to mental disorders..
Get help, if this in any way offended you.. talk to a professional, this is writing from the heart and addressing the root of my problem, at the very least, do the same.